Bright Side Baller: Shootin’ blanks in the 405

The Suns had a historically bad night in Oklahoma City.

Phoenix Suns. Oklahoma City Thunder. Would you believe I missed this one? Yeah, tickets were purchased this past summer to go see Mariah Carey sign Christmas music at the Footprint Center. As luck would have it, the concert was last night curing one of the great early-season games for the Suns. And during the Mike Tyson/Jake Paul fight. Happy wife, happy life, as they say…

…but I still tuned in.

Thanks to Suns Live, I had the game on until the third quarter. Because a concert that starts at 7:30pm doesn’t really begin until about 8:15pm. And what did I see, albeit on mute? The worst shooting performance by any team this season. That’s right. No team has shot under 30% this season. The Suns? They said “Hold my beer” and shot 29.4%.

So how do you give away a Bright Side Baller for this one? Do we as a fanbase get one for watching such a putrid performance?

I can feel something bubbling inside me. Maybe it’s just the post-concert Taco Bell (the Mexi-Melt is back!), but this feeling is churning like the pink ooze from Ghostbusters II. I’ve been making an effort to stay positive all season, reminding myself that overreacting to a single game rarely helps. But after watching last night’s performance, and recognizing just how historically bad it was for the franchise, I couldn’t help but feel frustration, disdain, and that familiar sense of “here we go again” rising to the surface.

But then Mariah came out and started singing her Christmas classics. She’s like the modern-day Bing Crosby, isn’t she? A beloved crooner known for a wide range of songs but ultimately devoted to preparing us for the holiday season in her later years. And with that, I felt myself relax.

I’m hoping I won’t need to launch into one of my rants during the upcoming games. Still, I can sense something simmering beneath the surface, just as I’m sure it is for you too.

Bright Side Baller Season Standings:

All right. The Baller.

Josh Okogie, who had only logged 33 minutes across the previous three games before Wednesday, made his presence known in a big way. His 25 points and 8 rebounds catapulted him into the Bright Side Baller standings despite the Suns’ loss to the Kings. It was the most commanding performance we’ve seen so far this season in terms of impact relative to expectations, as won with 93% of the vote!

The standings this season:

• Kevin Durant: 1
• Jusuf Nurkic: 1
• Bradley Beal: 1
• Devin Booker: 1
• Josh Okogie: 1

Your nominees from last night’s poop-fest in OKC? Here you go:

Devin Booker

12 points (2-of-10, 0-of-0 3PT), 4 assists, 4 rebounds, 1 steal, 1 block, 4 turnovers -29 +/-

Ryan Dunn

9 points (4-of-13, 1-of-9 3PT), 5 rebounds, 1 steal, 1 block, 1 turnover, -19 +/-

Josh Okogie

15 points (4-of-12, 1-of-4 3PT), 9 rebounds, 1 assist, 1 steal, 3 turnovers, -13 +/-

Royce O’Neale

11 points (4-of-10, 2-of-6 3PT), 7 rebounds, 3 assists, 0 turnovers, -19 +/-

Mariah Carey

26 songs, 6 non-Christmas songs, 4 wardrobe changes

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It was a rough night in OKC, but someone still has to claim the Bright Side Baller award. Whoever receives it might glance at it, realize it’s for last night’s performance, and promptly shove it to the back of their closet.

But someone’s gotta win. Cast your vote below: