Yes, even the Dodgers
Obviously, this is my opinion, and readers are welcome to have their own opinions. But basically, I look at these factors: is the team a rival? Are they in a big market? Have the won the World Series more recently than the Diamondbacks? Would their fans become even more insufferable?
That said, I’m going to make the best argument I can make (in good conscience) for each team as well. Also, while it should go without saying, this is only for Diamondbacks fans, so if you’re a fan of one of the teams listed here, obviously you’re going to root for your team. If you’re a fan of another eliminated team, some of these reasons might resonate, and some might not.
12. Mets
For: If you are a Diamondbacks fan and rooting for the Mets, I’m going to assume your hobbies are kicking puppies and drowning kittens. The only possible reason for a Diamondbacks fan to be rooting for the Mets at this point is if they want to announce they are a sociopath. Yes, even if you grew up a Mets fan, if you’re now a Diamondbacks fan, you should not be allowed to root for the Mets after that second game yesterday (with exceptions for Joey Lucchesi, Eddy Alvarez, and possibly Luisangel Acuña, the players who looked like they were trying.)
Against: They are the worst. Their ownership stinks, their front office stinks, their management stinks, and their players stink. Taking the field for a baseball game and not attempting to win it is certainly against the spirit of the game. And, furthermore, their doing so ensured that not one, not two, but all three of their biggest rivals are in the postseason. If they wind up losing to the Braves, that would be a slight amount of justice, but I’d rather them lose two games 25-0 and get a stomach virus (not a serious one, just one that makes them uncomfortable.) Also, since I’m sure Steve Cohen at least tacitly supported their (lack of) action, him losing somewhere around a billion dollars might be nice, too.
11. Dodgers
For: Did you expect the Dodgers to be at #12? Not this year. If you grew up a Dodgers fan and you don’t regard the 2020 championship as legitimate, feel free to root for the Dodgers.
Against: Payroll, fans, the fact that they can lose half of their roster and still be good, and the fact that MLB will push Ohtani down everyone’s throat for as long as he’s there. Also, 2020. Also, 2013. I’d feel better about 2013 if we’d clinched in LA last year and celebrated in their stadium’s landmark feature, but I don’t want the players involved in a parking lot fight.
10. Yankees
For: If you grew up a Yankees fan, root for the Yankees. Jazz Chisholm is kind of cool.
Against: The Yankees have won since the Diamondbacks did, albeit only once. But to listen to their fans, they have a longer drought than the 108 years the Cubs spent in the wilderness. They remain baseball’s most influential organization (as far as influence on the league office), with the most entitled fans. The only former Diamondback on the roster is Luke Weaver.
9. Brewers
For: The Brewers have never won the World Series, and their lone pennant was 17 years before the Diamondbacks came into existence. Pat Murphy has Arizona connections. Winning in Milwaukee last postseason partially eases 2011.
Against: 2011 still happened. The Brewers fielded an unapologetic cheater and eliminated the team that had arguably the best chance of winning it all since 2001. In addition, Brewers fans were openly rooting for the split yesterday so that they wouldn’t have to face us. If it weren’t for that, they might move a spot higher.
8. Astros
For: They have a pitcher nicknamed “Spaghetti” (Spencer Arrighetti, of course.) They beat the Dodgers in 2017.
Against: They got one of their titles by cheating, although to be fair, every other team was doing something too. But banging on a trash can? Seriously? Plus, they have two titles since the Diamondbacks last won. Next.
7. Braves
For: I don’t feel that there’s any sort of hatred for the Braves. Plus, they’ve struggled through injuries all season, and will be doing more of that in the postseason. It would also be poetic justice if they won the NLCS over the Mets.
Against: They didn’t lose twice yesterday. Shelby Miller. Dansby Swanson. Ender Inciarte. Touki Touissant. They last won three years ago.
6. Padres
For: They’ve never won. Their last pennant was in 1998, which I’m sure everyone knows happened to be the Diamondbacks’ first season. While Nick Ahmed might not be the most popular person around these parts, David Peralta is also on the team, and I think every Diamondbacks’ fan would like to see him get a ring.
Matt Kartozian-Imagn Images
Against: They’re a division rival. Having three of four division rivals claim championships more recently than the Diamondbacks would be rough. Their City Connect uniforms are politely described as South Beach throwing up on Southern California. And their stars are not likeable. Manny Machado is one of the most hated players in baseball, and Fernando Tatis Jr. is a PED user.
5. Phillies
For: They are the Mets’ arch-rival, and if there ever was a time to be petty, it’s this year. They have former Diamondbacks Taijuan Walker and Buddy Kennedy (although that latter almost certainly won’t appear on the postseason roster.) The reputation of their fans is overblown; I’ve had nastier things said to me for supporting the D-backs in Houston. Their window of contention might be closing.
Against: They’ve won more recently than the Diamondbacks, and added a couple of pennants since then, as well.
4. Royals
For: (NB: my wife will be rooting for the Royals because of the presence of multiple Mississippi State alumni. So that might cloud my judgment.) Small market. Giant turnaround. Tommy Pham is on the roster. 2001 Diamondback legend Bobby Witt also has a son on the roster. Will Smith is trying to win his fourth consecutive World Series with four different teams, although he might not return from his back spasms that caused him to miss the last month.
Against: They won just nine years ago, and won consecutive pennants. They have three fewer wins than the Diamondbacks despite getting to play 13 games against the worst team in baseball. They went 12-1 in those games. Had the Diamondbacks had the advantage the Royals (as well as the Tigers and Guardians) did, they’d be in.
3. Tigers
For: They haven’t won since 1984. They’re an absolute Cinderella story, and former Diamondback Tyler Holton is a huge part of their bullpen.
Against: See above. They did go just 10-3 against the White Sox, but still, they had that advantage. But the biggest reason to root against them is Shelby Miller. At least he hasn’t had the audacity to be good like he was last year with the Dodgers, but lest we forget, he was worth more as a position player with the Diamondbacks than he was as a pitcher, and he spent all of one inning in the field.
2. Orioles
For: They haven’t won since 1983, the fourth-longest drought among the field. But their pennant drought is the longest, as they haven’t even reached the World Series since ‘83. Emmanuel Rivera has been on the roster, but likely won’t be on the postseason roster. But they have a lot of good, young stars, and they have Anthony Santander, who is akin to Ketel Marte in that they are both switch hitters who are egregiously overlooked by the media and the fans. Also, they are like this year’s Diamondbacks in that they have been having to piece together a pitching staff due to injuries and ineffectiveness.
Against: Given as they’re an East Coast team and have bigger prospect names than most, they are a bit overhyped. Some might find the presence of Mike Elias as a reason to root against them, given his 2017-2018 Astros connections.
1. Guardians
For: 1948. Fewer than 10,000 Cleveland residents were alive the last time the home team won, and likely half of those were too young at the time to remember it. That’s the second-longest current drought in major professional sports, and the longest current drought that occurred entirely in one city. They had one of the best teams ever in 1995 (winning 100 games in a 144 game season) but lost the World Series in six games. They fought through lack of starting pitching in 2016 to take a 3-1 World Series lead, but lost it at home. In between, they lost to the Marlins. José Ramírez is their star player, but he’s overlooked and he’s not getting any younger. Former Diamondback Steven Vogt is the manager.
Photo by Norm Hall/Getty Images
Against: Apart from Vogt, the only Diamondback connection is Peter Strzelecki, who made just one appearance with the D-backs last year. He’s unlikely to be on the roster. They’ve gotten pretty lucky to be here (they are 11 games better than their BaseRuns record of 81-80) so if you’re mad at Lady Luck right now, they aren’t your team.